When your teenager stops talking

One day your child tells you everything. The next, “How was school?” gets a shrug and a closed door. If this is happening in your house, take a breath. It is normal, and it is not the end of your relationship.

Teenagers pull away because they are working out who they are apart from you. That is healthy. What they still need, more than they will ever admit, is a father who stays close without crowding them.

Talk side by side

Many young people find face to face conversations hard, especially with a parent. They talk more easily when you are doing something together: driving, cooking, fixing a bicycle, walking to the market. Look at the road, not at them, and let the silence be comfortable.

Listen more than you fix

When your teenager does open up, resist the urge to solve the problem straight away. Ask one more question. “What happened next?” “How did that feel?” If every story ends in a lecture, they will stop telling you stories.

Keep small promises

Trust is built in small deposits. Pick them up when you said you would. Come to the thing you said you would come to. If you cannot, tell them yourself, and early.

Know their world a little

Learn the name of their best friend, the music they play on repeat, the game they cannot stop talking about. You do not have to like it. Being curious about it tells them you are interested in who they are becoming.

Keep the door open

Tell them, plainly and more than once, that they can come to you with anything, and that you will listen before you react. Then prove it the first time they test you.

If you are worried about your teenager’s safety or mood, do not wait for them to bring it up. Ask directly and calmly, and get help from a counselor or doctor if you need it.

Your teenager is still listening to you, even when they act like they are not. Stay close. The conversations will come back.